Ahem. Everybody knows that cat owners have a special, often silly way of speaking to and about their pets ("catspeak"). Dog owners do too, but that's none of our affair, since we are exclusively concerned with cats and cat owners. (Well, as you'll see from some of the definitions below, that's not entirely true, so I must have lied.) Now, where was I? Right! I remember: but no one has been silly enough to try and compile a dictionary of such words and phrases. That is, until I came along. -- Avery ("Silly") Person.
accelerators the hind legs of a cat, especially when it has flopped out and placed its hind legs against you to keep its balance. See rabbit-cat.
aqua-boogie a cat who likes water. See boogie.
bapping playfully striking with the paw, but with the claws in, not out.
barfing what a cat does when it has a hairball or has been a hahzer.
bedfellows a kind of counting game played by owners of two or more cats, at night or during a day-time nap. If two cats sleep with or next to you, you are the Mayor of Boogietown. If three cats sleep with you, you are the Governor of the State of Boogie. And if four cats sleep with you, you are the President of the United States of Boogie. See boogie.
belly one of the most important parts of a cat's body. Located on the underside, it is usually quite soft and fuzzy. Other important body-parts are the bitey-part and the nose.
biter a cat who bites, usually out of affection or playfulness. A cat who bites really hard is a booger or VBC.
bitey-part a cat's mouth.
boingy boingy boingy a game played by a cat in which it bounces off furniture, the walls, etc. Origin of phrase: said by Wacko, Jacko and Dot, cartoon-characters in Animaniacs, when bouncing up and down on someone's belly.
boinking bouncing up and down, jerkily; most often done by kittens.
booger a cat who does doesn't like to play, either with its owner or other cats.
boogie a cat who likes to play, either with its owner or other cats.
breeze-sniffing what a cat does when something (tasty or foul) is in the air. See nose.
bright eyes a cat whose eyes have reflected the light in such a way that their eyes seem to flash or glow. Origin of phrase: nickname for human being in Planet of the Apes.
brompsky a way of showing affection to a cat who has flopped out and is showing its belly. Hold the cat with both hands, place your lips against its belly and say "Brrrrrrrrrrompsky."
bunnyface a cat that resembles a bunny-rabbit. See rabbit-cat.
buttocks cats got none. See pants.
cat's-eye-view the view from a spot atop something tall (a bookcase, a ladder, or a staircase). Not to be confused with a "bird's eye of view." Cats kill birdies!
downward-facing cat the position a cat assumes when it is stretching its front legs. Origin of phrase: the "downward-facing dog" position in Yoga.
dumbling when a heavy-set cat runs back and forth. See schpillkas.
face-get-crazy the wild look on a cat's face when just-playing-around has turned into biting. See also yah-face.
flop out to lie down on one side. After flopping out, a friendly cat will often show you its belly. To induce a flop-out, hold the cat on both sides of its mid-section and viola!
fraidy cat a cat who becomes afraid when it hears the sound of strangers' voices or very loud noises, and runs to spot up somewhere safe.
fuzzer any cat except for them short-haired ones.
game-playing the primary occupation of a cat, that is, when it isn't eating, sleeping or using the litter-box.
gravity game a game that a cat play with its owner's possessions. The cat uses gravity to destroy possessions by knocking them down from their perches atop desks, tables and other raised surfaces. Also called downloading.
hahz verb: to eat a great deal or too much. Origin of word: Yiddish for "pig."
hahzer noun: a cat that eats too much. See the scene in Scarface in which one of the other gangsters asks Tony Montana: "Tony, do know what a hahzer is?" Tony, who ain't silly at all, doesn't know.
hairball what a cat coughs up or barfs when fur it has licked accumulates in its belly.
heat-pig a cat who sleeps or spots up on heating ducts, radiators, computer monitors or other sources of heat.
kitty-dance silly name for kneeding. Lyrics to a song to which cats sometimes dance: "You put your left paw down, you put your right paw down, you put your left paw down -- you're doing the kitty-dance."
kitty-disease what a cat has when it wants to go outside, then come back inside, then go outside again, all over the course of a few minutes.
kitty-in-a-bag and kitty-in-a-box games played by cats. In either case, it only takes one cat to play, but others can get involved in the mischief, too!
kitty kiss a show of affection in which a cat pushes its nose up against some part of its owner's face.
kitty-on-the-move a game in which a cat chases after a string or stick pulled along by its owner.
kneeding what a kitten does to its Mommy's belly to induce milk to flow. Also done by silly adult cats. See kitty-dance.
laptop a cat who climbs into your lap and spots up there.
meow noun: the sound a cat makes when it uses its vocal chords to "talk." verb: to make this sound or "talk." Also spelled miaow, miaou and miaul. See mewlies and murroww.
mewlies what a cat has got when it keeps meowing and won't stop. Usage in a sentence: "Baji's got a wicked case of the mewlies." Origin of word: mewl, mewling. See also vociferon.
mischief a broad term that includes game-playing, getting all snoidy and squabbling.
murroww 1. an alternative spelling of meow; 2. the language in which cats speak; 3. the word for "human being" in this language.
nose the cold and wet little button at the end of a cat's face, just above the bitey-part. Used for breeze-sniffing and kitty kissing.
pants a piece of clothing. Kitties don't wear clothing, not even pants!
pee-dog a cat (usually male) who marks his territory by spraying little bits of urine on everything.
politics a game played by two or more cats and their owner. Origin of word: "politics makes strange bedfellows." See bedfellows.
purrball a cat who purrs loudly or who purrs a lot. No to be confused with hairball.
rabbit-cat a cat who, while playing with you in the flopped out position, uses its hind legs to kick or scratch you.
scarf to steal food off of a person's plate, a kitchen counter or table, etc.
schpillkas 1. what a cat has got when it runs back and forth, back and forth, over and over again. 2. a game played by cats. Used in a sentence: "Baji's got wicked schpillkas" or "Baji's playing schpillkas." Origin of word: Yiddish for "nervous."
snoid noun: a cat who is very playful, even mischevious. verb: to attack in a mischevious fashion, especially another cat. Usage in a sentence: "Baji is snoiding Milo." Origin of word: stolen from R. Crumb, who says a "snoid" is an "ugly little creep."
snoidy noun: same as snoid (first meaning) but sillier.
snoidy toy any toy that boogie cats like to play with. See kitty-on-the-move.
spot a comfortable and familiar place into which cats curl up and go to sleep.
spot up to create a new spot or return to an old one.
squabbling the noisy but generally playful fighting that goes on between two or more cats.
swimming the undulating motion a cat makes when it has flopped out and is rubbing itself against the ground. Unrelated to aqua-boogie.
the oldest trick in the book a game that cats play on their owners, in which the cat spots up and stays there, even when called, for such a long time that its owner begins to think that the cat has either died or escaped.
triller (also trillbee) a purrball who makes a trilling sound.
VBC short for Very Bad Cat. A cat who hisses, scratches and bites hard. Origin of phrase: vetertarian's short-hand. See booger.
vociferon a cat who is especially vociferous in meowing about something it desires (food, being let out, being played with, etc).
ya-yas stored-up energy that a cat has to burn off, usually by boinking, playing schpillkas, getting all snoidy, etc.
yah-face a wild-looking facial expression in which the cat holds its bitey-part wide open; usually made by cats who have gone snoidy. Warning! Yah-faced cats quickly become biters!