[Note: This is a silent play. When they are called upon to "speak," all actors hold up printed speech bubbles and do not move their mouths.]
A man dressed in modern but shabby clothing holds up a board that reads Scene 1: Daddy Ubu's House in Poland.
Daddy Ubu: Fuk!
Ma Ubu: You're a stupid asshole, Daddy Ubu! Why don't you slaughter everyone and take all their stuff?
Daddy Ubu: Fuk! Exits.
Ma Ubu: You're a stupid asshole, Daddy Ubu!
Captain Bordure enters with man. Daddy Ubu enters shortly thereafter. All four begin to eat.
Daddy Ubu: Fuk!
He exits and then returns in a moment with a toilet plunger, which he offers to Bordure's man. The man takes it, tastes it, and drops dead.
A messenger arrives and shows a board to Daddy Ubu, who then holds it up. It says, I want you, Daddy Ubu. -- King Venceslas.
The shabbily-dressed man holds up a board that reads Scene 2: King Venceslas's Palace.
King Venceslas: You are now Count of Sandomir.
Daddy Ubu gives the King a toy whistle. The King passes it on to Bougrelas. Ubu starts to exit, falls down and then stands up.
Daddy Ubu (aside): I'll take all their stuff and debrain them! Exits.
The man holds up a board that reads Scene 3: The King's Parade Grounds.
Daddy Ubu: Fuk!
He and his men set upon and kill King Venceslas. The others, including Bougrelas, flee.
The man brings forth a board that reads Scene 4: King Ubu's Palace.
Daddy Ubu: Fuk!
Ma Ubu: You're a stupid asshole, Daddy Ubu!
They fight. The nobles are brought in. The Ubus stop fighting.
Daddy Ubu: I'll take all their stuff and debrain them!
He kills them all.
Magistrates: Infamy! Shame! Indignity!
Ubu kills them, too. The Financiers are brought in.
Daddy Ubu: I'll take all their stuff and debrain them!
He kills them all.
The man brings forth a board that says Scene 5: The Court of the Czar, Moscow.
Czar Alexis: You killed my cousin King Venceslas, you scoundrel!
Bordure: Daddy Ubu made me do it.
Czar Alexis: We will see if we can trust you.
The Russian Army: Hurray for war!
The man brings forth a board that says Scene 6: Warsaw's Main Square.
Bougrelas: There's Ma Ubu!
They attack. She flees.
The man brings forth a board that says Scene 7: The Ukraine.
Daddy Ubu: Fuk! He rests.
The Polish Army: Long live Daddy Ubu!
The Russian Army enters and does battle with the Polish Army. Bordure enters, fights with Ubu and is killed. The Czar enters and does battle with Ubu; Ubu flees and the Czar goes after him.
The man brings forth a board that says Scene 8: A Cave in Lithuania.
A bear surprises Ubu and his man. Ubu hides, leaving his man to fight the Bear, which is killed. Ubu is so relieved that he falls asleep. His man takes this as an opportunity to leave him. Ma Ubu comes in. Daddy Ubu awakes.
Daddy Ubu: Fuk!
Ma Ubu: You're a stupid asshole, Daddy Ubu!
They fight. Bougrelas comes in and joins the fray. The Ubus escape.
The man brings forth a board that says Scene 9: A Ship on the Baltic Sea.
The Ubus hold up a board that reads as follows:
Song:
Look, look at the Machine revolving!
Look, look at the brains flying!
Look, look at the property-owners trembling!
Hurray! farters, long live Daddy Ubu!
The man brings forth a board that says The End.
Scene setter: Dr. Omar
Daddy Ubu: the ghost of Adi Amin
Momma Ubu: Mousy Tongue
Bourgrelas: Hairy Crisco
Bordure: Lt. Col. Sniff McCracken (Ret.)
King Venceslas: DJ Offal
Bordure's man: MC Ice-Pee
Messenger: President Unabomber
Ubu's gang: O.J. & The Bloody Gloves
The nobles: The Marx Brothers (Klepto, Streppo and Leppo)
The magistrates: The Lovely and Talented Lenin Sisters
The financiers: The Illuminated Rothschilds of London
Czar Alexis: Baron Ludwig von Farter
The Entire Russian Army: Fluffy the Wonder Penguin
The Entire Polish Army: Skippy the Incredible Trained Flea
A bear: an Andulsian dog
Contact the Surveillance Camera Players
By e-mail SCP@notbored.org
By snail mail: SCP c/o NOT BORED! POB 1115, Stuyvesant Station, New York City 10009-9998
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